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2 October 1894 — Ca’ Capello, Venice | |
Tuesday. 2nd October [1894]. A troubled night—full of memories of the past. Had my tea brought in at 7 & got up & read before breakfast, afterwards began my terribly sad task opening Henry’s writing table drawers. It nearly broke my heart—and seemed like a sacrilege to look into the drawers he always kept locked & never allowed even me to touch. I found quantities of his dear writing. All his memoirs—& was some time finding all the keys– But I find all in order & by small indications I see that he must have left things with the idea that he would never return here again. My cup seems now full– I feel all is over & I am indeed bereaved—& at moments I can hardly bear it. Ola & I lunched at 1.30 & sat in the belvedere till 3 when we went out in closed gondola– Venice the same & yet not the same without him– Every thing speaks of him to me & breaks my heart. Came in at 4 & wrote a letter till tea which I took in the green boudoir alone. Ola had gone out for a walk. People called but I could not see any one– Ola read aloud from 6 to 7.30. Dined at 8 & we made a feeble attempt to play Besique & came to bed at 10. God help me! | |
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